The Cassie Bell Chronicles

It’s very odd

How things work.

And how things work out.

I’ve had a lot of hurt in my life, but somehow nothing like this. This is new — uncharted territory. But somehow, I’m able to keep it all in; not let it show. The fact that I’m doing this is what tells me that I really love him, and I think that’s the saddest thing of all. Because even if he is the first person I’ve loved, the only person I’ve given everything to, I still don’t stand a chance.

He cried when he told me things wouldn’t work out between us. I didn’t, no matter how much the urge presented itself. I wanted to be strong for him, be there for him. Let him know that it’s okay, I’m okay, we’re still friends, and I’m always here for him no matter what.

Since that night I’ve had several people tell me I’m too nice. Way too nice.

That I should be mad.

That I should be fucking furious.

But I can’t do that. I can’t hold any of it against him, even though a lot of it rightfully should be held against him.

I care about him too much to be mad.

I care about him too much to show the way I’m feeling inside.

And God knows I care about him too much to talk to him about how I’m feeling. He’s such a mess right now; all I want to do is help. And if helping means putting my feelings aside, I’ll do it. I just want him to be happy. Truly happy. And if that’s not with me, then so be it. Life isn’t fair, I’ve already learned and accepted that.